i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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