I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
