Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
