i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
