Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
