Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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