is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
did i just pee glitter
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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