Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
