We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
