and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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