I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
