i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
