sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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