I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
being pregnant is like rehab
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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