Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
