seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My cat gives me a boner
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
