Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
