I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
