Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jerry, you need to find god
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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