Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
