you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
