please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
