he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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