Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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