I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
