My first STD was from a foam party
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
