Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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