this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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