so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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