Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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