She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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