After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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