I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
