Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
