I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
