It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
