ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
