Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
