Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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