Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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