I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
