Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
