I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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