Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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