She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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