bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
