Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
