I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
