How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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