I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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