PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
3pm strippers are depressing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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